Teens & Seminary

Over the last several weeks we’ve gone over some of the areas teens today should especially guard against to maintain a true sense of happiness and self worth. Prophets over the ages have warned and pled with the youth to be observant of their thoughts and actions. It’s when we begin to think we’re okay that our spiritual armor begins to slip.

Agency and accountability. Gratitude. Education. Family. Friends. Dress and appearance. Entertainment and the media. Music and dancing. Language. Dating. Sexual purity. Repentance. Honesty. Sabbath Day observance. Tithes and offerings. Physical health. Service to others. We’ve discussed all of these things, though perhaps not in as much detail as each of these subjects warrant.

Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed the Mormon Church, placed these topics in a booklet titled For the Strength of Youth as a guide and warning to help teens today navigate through these morally treacherous times.

Take a moment to ask yourself, “Am I living the way the Lord wants me to live?” Each of these standards presented are there to help you make correct choices. Making good choices, even if they seem like the hardest thing in the world to do, will work towards making your life happier and helping you to deal with the hard times.

In addition to the areas listed above, we are encouraged to continue in certain other daily activities that will further increase our spiritual armor. First is daily prayer.

“To help you become all that the Lord wants you to become, get on your knees each day and express to Him the desires of your heart. He is the source of all wisdom, and you need His help. He will hear and answer you” (For the Strength of Youth, p.40).

When Christ visited the Americas, an account of which can be read in the Book of Mormon – another testament of Jesus Christ, he “commanded them that they should not cease to pray in their hearts” (3 Nephi 20:1).

How often do you think of your Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ during the day? Is it only when you kneel down at night to pray? Prayer should happen more than once or twice a day. We should pray first thing in the morning, over our meals, in times of trouble, in times of joy. We don’t have to be on our knees when it happens. So long as we keep a reverent feeling at the time we find ourselves in need of praying. It takes practice to keep in constant communication with our Heavenly Father, but it can happen.

Next we are cautioned to read our scriptures daily. “They are a powerful source of personal revelation and a constant strength to your testimony” (p.40). Do you need an answer to a question or problem you’re facing? Try reading your scriptures. You’d be amazed at what insight can be revealed to you.

“Be true to the Lord…in all circumstances…. Be humble and willing to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit. Place the wisdom of the Lord above your own wisdom” (For the Strength of Youth, p.40).

It’s not easy to choose the way of the Lord in every circumstance of our lives. Too many times we let what others think guide our thoughts and actions. If these choices go against what we’ve been taught by the Lord, more often than not it will only end in misery. The Lord wants us to be happy. Choosing His way will help us make it.

This post is titled ‘Go Forward With Faith.’ Faith is not just a hope. It’s what we do with that hope. Faith is an action word. We have to put our faith to the test in order for it to become strong. In particular we need to show faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. It is His work we are doing here on earth, but we have to choose to follow His path.

“When you do these things, the Lord will make much more out of your life than you can by yourself. He will increase your opportunities, expand your vision, and strengthen you. He sill give you the help you need to meet your trials and challenges. You will find true joy as you come to know your Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, and feel their love for you” (For the Strength of Youth, p.42).

Keep in mind, you don’t have to begin do everything all at once. Not only is it overwhelming, but you’re almost certain to fail by doing too much too soon. Pick one area. Try working on your dress and appearance before you move on to music and dancing. Like everything in this life we need to take things line upon line, and precept upon precept. As we find ourselves mastering one area, we will be more prepared to start a second.

Don’t ever forget how precious you are to your Heavenly Father. He wants you to succeed in this life. He wants to see you become the extraordinary individual He knows you are. Listen to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. It is through his voice you will be guided in the ways that will keep you on the path to lead you back to your Heavenly Father.

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35).

The simple definition of a disciple is to be a follower of Christ. That little statement is quite easy to say, but not quite as easy to accomplish. To be a disciple of Christ almost automatically defines you as a person who serves others, and yet service is often something we shy away from, thinking of it as work rather than a way to show love.

Yet it is those who offer much service, without expecting anything in return, who are some of the most loved people in the world. Our best and brightest example of service is our Lord Jesus Christ. He taught the concept. He lived the concept. Every day of His life was spent serving someone in some way.

Service is one of the greatest hallmarks of followers of Christ. It is so important that leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed the Mormon Church, placed it among a small group of essential standards teens of today should strive to remain strong in, and put these standards in a small booklet. For the Strength of Youth contains these standards, partnered with scripture and wise counsel given as a warning and a guideline to help keep teens out of danger in these treacherous times.

Why is service something we should hold strong to?

“Service to others is one of the most important characteristics of a disciple of Jesus Christ. A disciple is willing to bear other people’s burdens and to comfort those who need comfort” (For the Strength of Youth, p.38).

As an example we are given the account of the Good Samaritan as found in Luke 10:25-37. A man had been beaten, robbed, and left by the side of the road. Two men, a priest and a Levite, both left him in this awful condition. In fact, they hurried off to the other side of the road, keeping as far from this man as possible.

Then came the Samaritan. It should be noted that feelings between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time were hostile, due to circumstances within their history. But Christ taught that this Samaritan was the one who stopped to check on the man. Not only did he stop, but when he witnessed the man’s injured condition he placed the man on his beast, and took him somewhere to be cared for. He even paid the innkeeper extra money for the man’s care, and promised to repay the innkeeper if the money wasn’t enough.

Christ referred to the Samaritan as the neighbor, or the man who showed mercy. Then he tells us to “go and do thou likewise” (Luke 10:37).

“There are many ways to serve others. You can serve in your church assignments and in your home, school, and community. Seek daily the guidance of the Holy Ghost to know whom to serve and how to help meet their needs. Often the most important service is expressed through simple, everyday acts of kindness” (For the Strength of Youth, p.38).

Serving those around us does not have to mean doing huge service projects. Service can mean being a shoulder to cry on, baking cookies for a friend or neighbor, helping your mom or dad do a few chores around the house and yard. Service can mean helping a younger sibling with their homework, reading to someone who’s eyes just don’t work as well anymore, or even mowing someone’s lawn without being asked.

The most amazing thing will happen as you strive to serve those around you.

“You will draw closer to Heavenly Father. Your heart will be filled with love. Your capacities will increase, and your life and the lives of those around you will be blessed” (For the Strength of Youth, p.38).

Before I end I’d like to offer up a challenge. It’s easy to love and serve those who are kind to us. But what about those who are not as kind? What about someone who grinds on your nerves, or is rude and not sorry about it, or who seems to push every button until you want to lash out? It’s not as easy to love them, but the Lord would have us try.

Herein lies my challenge. Find one person who you honestly can’t see loving and look for ways to serve him or her. Be it a family member, someone from school, or a person you know at church, look for ways to serve. Take the matter to the Lord in prayer and sincerely ask for a way to offer up some sort of service. Keep it going for a few weeks at least, and see if your attitude toward that person doesn’t change to something friendlier.

A young man named Daniel knew, perhaps more than many of us personally know today, the importance of being watchful over what he took into his body. Many of us know the scripture account well. The king had asked for some of the best and brightest children of the land to be brought up in the ways and tongue of the Chaldeans. He even asked for them to be given the same food he ate, which consisted primarily of meat and wine. This was to go on for three years until he could decide whom he wanted to keep in his court.

Daniel and three of his friends didn’t want to eat the king’s meat and wine.

“Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give us pulse to eat, and water to drink. Then let our countenances be looked upon before thee, and the countenance of the children that eat of the portion of the king's meat: and as thou seest, deal with thy servants” (Daniel 1:12-13).

Pulse is food made of grains and seeds. Daniel and his friends knew this would be much healthier than a constant diet of meat. In fact, after the ten days there was a noticeable difference in the countenance of these four young men as compared to all the others who had been gathered. They continued to eat the pulse and drink the water for the remainder of the three years. At that time, not only had they been blessed with health, but with wisdom beyond their years. (Daniel 1:3-20)

We have the Food Pyramid to guide us in how much of what food we’re supposed to take into our bodies. We know that balance is important when choosing the foods we eat. But maintaining our physical health goes far beyond that.

The leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church) put together a booklet called For the Strength of Youth. This booklet is meant to be a guide for teens in today’s world against increasing temptations. One of the topics covered is physical health.

“Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost” (p.36).

Did you ever link a healthy mind and body to allowing the Holy Ghost, or Holy Spirit, to reside with you? Think about that for a minute.

In the Latter-day Saint Church we have additional scripture that further explains how we can take care of our bodies. It was actually a revelation in response to Joseph Smith’s wife’s concern with several of the men smoking tobacco. This revelation is now known as the Word of Wisdom. (For a complete account go to Doctrine and Covenants 89.)

One of the first things warned against is the use of tobacco products. Even just a few years ago we couldn’t fully comprehend the effects tobacco would have not only on those who use it, but those who are exposed to it secondhand. I’ve watched the lasting effects on a loved one whose father smoked cigars. Her lungs have been damaged, she has almost constant bronchitis, and is a victim of severe headaches. All because of a father who didn’t think his smoking was doing any harm.

We’re also warned against drinking coffee or tea, for these can be just as addictive. Countless numbers can’t even face the world until they’ve had their first cup of coffee, yet they don’t see it as being addictive.

Alcohol is a vicious master, and has done vast amounts of damage to people and their families.

“Any form of alcohol is harmful to your body and spirit. Being under the influence of alcohol weakens your judgment and self-control and could lead you to break the law of chastity or other commandments. Drinking can lead to alcoholism, which destroys individuals and families” (For the Strength of Youth, p.36).

Much the same is said of drugs.

“Any drug, chemical, or dangerous practice that is used to produce a sensation or ‘high’ can destroy your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. These include hard drugs, prescription or over-the-counter medications that are abused, and household chemicals” (For the Strength of Youth, p.37).

We know these things are bad for us, and yet too many of us still allow Satan or peers to lead to believe we’d be so much happier if we gave in. Turns out this isn’t true. Ask anyone who’s stealing from loved ones so they can afford their next fix, or the person who just hit and killed someone because they were driving drunk. Look at the so-called stars of today and the misery they’ve placed on themselves by making these wrong choices.

Members of the Latter-day Saint Church are often ridiculed for clean living. Peers would say we’re so restricted by these guidelines we don’t know how to have any real fun. I would like to yell to the world that this is not true! In fact, I can testify that those who choose to live clean are freer, happier, and better off than anyone who smokes that first cigarette, drinks that first beer, or tries drugs for the first time. Why?

You can never become addicted to something you’ve never tried. You will remain the master of your destiny. This choice proves you have more control over the outcome of your life than many of those who are trapped in the nightmare of addiction.

The blessings don’t stop there. Not only will you have a healthy body, but your mind will be sharp, your spirit will remain strong, and like Daniel you will be granted wisdom beyond your years. Does all this sound worth it? I certainly think so.

The truth is I don’t know a whole lot about how tithes and offerings work in other churches. I only really know how it works in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed the Mormon Church. I also know it’s important. In fact it’s so important the leaders of the Latter-day Saint Church placed it in a booklet titled For the Strength of Youth. In this booklet are included many areas these leaders feel needed to be particularly addressed for teens of today. These areas are to act as a guideline and warning to help teens navigate through an increasingly difficult world.

So what exactly is tithing? I really like the way it’s described in Deuteronomy 12:6 –

“And thither ye shall bring your burnt offerings, and your sacrifices, and your tithes, and heave offerings of your hand, and your vows, and your freewill offerings, and the firstlings of your herds and of your flocks.”

As we can see from this list a tithing is attributed to things like sacrifice, a vow, a freewill offering. Everything we are blessed with in this life has been a gift of the Lord. In return for this, He asks us to make a freewill offering, or a tithe. How much should we give? To answer this, let’s look in Numbers 18:26.

“When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, even a tenth part of the tithe.” (Italics added.)

A tenth of what we earn is all we are asked to give. So if we earn $10, all the Lord wants back is $1. If we earn $350, all He asks for in return is $35. At times it may feel like paying out a tenth of what you’ve earned feels like so much money. This is when we need to change out attitude in regards to how we pay it, and why.

“Your attitude is important in paying tithing. Pay it because you love the Lord and have faith in Him. Pay it willingly with a thankful heart. Pay it first, even when you think you don’t have enough money to meet your other needs” (For the Strength of Youth, p.34).

I can’t tell you how many times I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if we paid our tithing we wouldn’t have enough money to finish paying the bills. Every single time I made sure that tithing was paid, our bills were covered. Over the years I’ve come to make certain tithing is the first thing that comes out of a paycheck. I have never regretted doing so.

Even teens and children are encouraged to pay their tithing in the Mormon Church. When 'payday' comes for my children, I make sure the first thing they do with that money is pay tithing. As a teen I recall many times that my father did the same thing with me. It is easier to do the younger you start.

In our Church tithing money goes into a general fund where it is used for many wonderful things.

“It is a way to help build up God’s kingdom on earth. Tithing is used to build temples and meetinghouses, translate and publish the scriptures, prove Church materials to members, do missionary work, perform temple and family history work, and support seminaries and institutes” (For the Strength of Youth, p.34).

Paired with tithing is fast offerings. Once a month, typically the first Sunday, Mormons are asked to fast for the day. This includes everyone eight and over who are baptized members of the Church.

“A proper fast day observance includes not eating or drinking for two consecutive meals and giving a generous fast offering to help care for those in need. Begin and end your fast with prayer, asking for special help with a specific need” (For the Strength of Youth, p.35).

Of course anyone with health problems who cannot go without two meals should not do this, but in all others it is encouraged. Fasting is a personal choice. There are those who choose to do it and others who do not. Is it important? If we look to the example of the Lord we are shown it is. In Matthew 4:2 we are told He fasted for forty days. Though we are not asked to fast for that long, we are taught that through fasting our physical bodies are made weak so that our spiritual selves might have a chance to commune with God the Father. It is a way to feed our spirits more fully. When our bodies are weak we are, perhaps, made to see what our spirits go through when they are not fed.

Fasting should be done with a purpose. Is there a problem you need help with? Do you have a friend or family member who is struggling or sick, and needs extra help? Try fasting for them, beginning and ending it with prayer. Answers, guidance, and healing can take place.

Those in the Mormon Church are asked to pay something called a ‘fast offering.’ This is normally described as the money we would have spent on the two meals, though many who can afford to do so will often pay more. Parents will pay for their children until they are old enough to pay it for themselves. The money donated for fast offerings go right back into the ward (congregation) to help those who are in need.

Paying tithing and fast offerings are a vital part in showing our gratitude for all that God has given us. It helps us overcome selfishness. We become more receptive to the Spirit. I can also testify that as we strive to pay our tithing and fast offerings, God only blesses us more.

The Sabbath day is a special day. In fact, it is so special the Lord created a commandment to remind us to treat it differently than all other days.

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8).

Sadly the Sabbath no longer means what it used to for a lot of people, but it doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. In fact, if the rest of your family doesn’t look to making Sunday a special day, you can set a wonderful example for them.

There is a booklet put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church) called For the Strength of Youth. Like its’ name implies, it was put together primarily to help teens of today remain strong against increasing temptations. One of the most powerful ways is through how we strive to keep the Sabbath day holy.

“The Lord has given the Sabbath day for your benefit and has commanded you to keep it holy. Observing the Sabbath will bring you closer to the Lord and to your family. It will give you needed rest and rejuvenation” (p.32).

There are so many things we can do on the Sabbath that can help us keep this commandment.

“Worship the Lord, attend church, spend quiet time with your family, study the gospel, write letters, write in your journal, do family history work, and visit the sick or homebound” (p.32).

The list does not stop here. Think about the music you listen to on Sunday. Does it reflect the Lord and His teachings? Think about the movies or television shows you choose to watch. Are they uplifting and encourage the Holy Spirit to reside with you?

Think about how you dress on Sunday – and I’m talking all day Sunday. There is a tendency to rush home from church and quickly change into something more ‘comfortable.’ This usually means everyday clothes. The interesting things about remaining in what I term ‘church clothes’ is it helps keep your mind geared towards the spiritual.

What are church clothes? For girls it is a modest skirt and shirt, or dress. For guys it’s a nice pair of slacks with a white, collared shirt and a tie. If a teen is unable to afford a nice dress or shirt and tie, they are encouraged to wear whatever is best and cleanest. I have known many a youth - and even some adults - who have come to church in their nicest jeans, and that’s okay. Let your dress reflect a spiritual mindset.

A big issue in keeping Sunday a special, especially with Mormons, is being made to work, especially because more often than not they end up missing church. Many are forced to work due to the nature of their jobs. It is important to talk with your employer and let him/her know you’d rather not work on Sunday. If it’s just not possible, ask if you could have the schedule set to allow you to attend church. There are many employers who would be happy to work with you, and who will respect you more for these personal convictions.

The Sabbath day is meant to be a day of rest, but not the sort of rest you might think. It can be just as busy as any other day, but we need to fill it with things of a more spiritual nature. Don’t treat it like a holiday to be spent sleeping in, going to movies, attending sports events, etc. Fill it with things that will strengthen your spiritual side. Let your friends (and family if they don’t observe it) know how you want to spend the Sabbath day so they’ll not try to persuade you to do something that’s not appropriate.

What will happen if you strive to keep the Sabbath day holy? You will be brought closer to the Lord. Not only that but you’ll find your abilities to handle everyday life stronger. Temptations will be easier to pass up, and more peace will enter your lives. It’s worth it, I promise.

I distinctly recall walking through the grocery store with my family when I was younger. This was in a time when there would be giant displays of food items out in the open, tempting little fingers. Mine were definitely tempted as we passed a large bin full of individually wrapped caramels. They did this around Halloween time to dip apples for a great treat. I personally thought the caramel itself would be a fantastic treat and I grabbed one.

A part of me obviously knew it was wrong, as I attempted to hide my action by trying to unwrap the caramel with my sleeves covering my hands. For any of you who have ever tried unwrapping a caramel knows, they don’t unwrap quietly. My father looked back and immediately knew what was going on (parents are tricky that way).

Later on I found myself in my room with the words, “I want you to think about what you did” echoing in my ears. The funny thing is, I did. I thought long and hard about why I had thought taking the caramel would be okay. I really contemplated why it was the wrong thing to do. When my father came back in to talk with me, I think a part of him was surprised that I had done exactly as he had asked.

This was certainly not the last time I had difficulties with honesty, though I never stole again. For some reason my lessons in honesty had to come the hard way – through experience as opposed to learning through the examples and cautions of others. I was about fourteen before I realized the need to take control of the untrue words that came out of my mouth.

Why is being honest so important? First and foremost it’s a commandment. In fact, it’s two commandments.

“Thou shalt not steal…Thou shalt not bear false witness” (Exodus 20: 15-16).

There is a booklet called For the Strength of Youth put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church). In this booklet are several areas they felt most impressed by the Spirit of the Lord to write about in order to help guide teens of today in navigating through a time of much temptation. Honesty is one of those areas.

“Be honest with yourself, others, and the Lord. When you are honest in every way, you build strength of character that will allow you to be of great service to God and others. You will be blessed with peace of mind and self-respect. When you are honest, you will be trusted by the Lord and by those around you” (p.31).

Perhaps it sounds a bit unrealistic, the thought of being completely honest, especially if you’ve spent a lot of time being dishonest. I can testify that change is possible. I personally know you can find peace and self-respect, become trusted by the Lord and those around you. I also know from experience it’s possible to trust myself now to make a conscious choice to be honest.

I don’t think we can possibly understand what being dishonest does to us until we pull ourselves back out of that hole. Only when we’ve regained the good Spirit we pushed away through unrighteous choices do we realize what we had lost.

“Dishonesty hurts you and usually hurts others as well. When you lie, steal, shoplift, or cheat, you damage your spirit and become less able to do good things” (For the Strength of Youth, p.31).

We tend to ignore what our actions do to those around us, fooling ourselves into believing no one is getting hurt, not even ourselves. Rationalization is a favorite tool of Satan. He would have us convince ourselves every bad choice we make isn’t all that bad.

“Don’t rationalize that wrong is right, even though many people around you may think there is no harm in being dishonest. Being honest requires courage and commitment to do what you know is right” (For the Strength of Youth, p.31).

Being dishonest isn’t hard. Being honest and upright is.

At seventeen I was coming out of an Orchestra practice. We were preparing for a play, and my parents had allowed me to take the car so they wouldn’t have to drop me off and pick me up. I wasn’t paying enough attention and broke one of the taillights. I was horrified! My first thought was, ‘What am I going to tell my parents?’ That two-minute drive had never seemed longer in my life. I literally felt like there was a little angel on my right shoulder and a little devil on my left, each trying to convince me which way to choose.

I chose to tell my parents the truth. They were disappointed, and I hated that it cost them so much to fix the light, but I was so glad I’d told the truth. There was no guilt tacked on, no more lies to keep covering the first one up. Once it was done it was done, and my parents still trusted me afterwards. Being honest, even though it was so hard, was positively freeing.

Being honest isn’t always the easy choice. It is, however, one of the best choices you can make.

One of Satan’s greatest tactics is to convince us that once we sin we can never become clean again. It’s over. We should just give up, and give in.

Fortunately there is hope. Repentance is an extraordinary blessing given to us by our Savior. All that He endured during the Atonement I cannot possibly fathom. Yet I am forever in debt to Him for this gift. If we sin, we can receive forgiveness. We can be cleansed. We can feel the peace of the Lord. All of these things will serve to strengthen us against further temptations.

In the last several decades Satan has focused in particular on swaying teenagers to make wrong choices. You can see it in the media, in music, and in everyday peer pressure. He knows if he can get to you young, he will have a much greater hold on you as you grow up. He desperately wants you to believe once you sin there’s no way to go back.

There is a booklet called For the Strength of Youth put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church). In this booklet there are many vital points covered to help the teenagers of today cope with temptations and to give guidelines that will help keep you on the happy side of life.

One of these key points is the process of repentance.

“Satan wants you to think that you cannot repent, but that is absolutely not true. The Savior has promised you forgiveness if you will do what is required. The sooner you repent, the sooner you will find the blessings that come from forgiveness” (For the Strength of Youth, p.30).

The repentance process has six key elements:

1. Faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Does that surprise you a bit as the first step? Satan will try to convince you that you are no longer worthy to go to your Heavenly Father and ask for forgiveness. He will try to convince you that the sin you committed was so great it could never be forgiven. This is where faith comes into play. You need to have the faith that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ there is the power to be forgiven. You need to have the faith that your Heavenly Father is ready and willing to forgive you and help you become clean once again.

2. Sorrow for the Sin. I’m not just talking about getting caught and paying penance. You need to have a sincere sorrow for what you have done. There must be an acknowledgement of the sin and your choice to commit it. 2 Corinthians 7:10 talks of having a ‘godly sorrow.’ This type of sorrow signifies a sincere regret at having disobeyed the commandments of Heavenly Father, and a genuine hope to make a change.

3. Confession. Perhaps the hardest part of the process, yet essential if a cleansing is to take place. It is natural for us to hide away our sins, but a funny thing happens when we do. The sin doesn’t go away, but sits like a puddle of tar, sticking to everything inside. We can try to ignore it but it never goes away...until we are ready to confess. For less serious transgressions this can be done in prayer to our Heavenly Father. If our sin is more serious this needs to be done to a church leader. Be completely honest, and do it as soon as possible.

4. Abandonment of Sin. Although the confession is hard, it’s not enough to complete the process. We must also forsake the sin, step completely away from it, and flee before it.

5. Restitution. Whether you want to admit it or not, others are always damaged when we choose the wrong path. It is vital in our healing process to make restitution.

6. Righteous Living. Many times sin becomes a bad habit. If this is the case we need to replace the bad habit with something good. If the sin only happened once, we still need to fill our lives with righteous things so that temptations will have no power over us.

Repentance is not an easy process. It is, however, the only way for us to become whole again, to regain happiness, and to look upon ourselves as worthy children of God. We should always confess our sins to the Lord, and trust that He will help us find our way back to our Heavenly Father. We need to trust in His promise:

“He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42).

When we successfully come through the process of repentance the Lord will remember our sins ‘no more.’ This doesn’t mean we should forget, otherwise there was no lesson learned. The blessing comes in no longer feeling that sorrow, and in being able to start over with a clean soul.

It is up to us, however, to take that first step.

This is such a difficult subject to write about. It’s not because I’m shy when it comes to talking about sexual purity. When the subject comes up in church lessons I’m usually the first to volunteer because I feel so passionately about remaining pure before, and after, marriage. For me the difficulty lies in helping a teenager realize the importance of, and the blessings that come from, keeping ourselves pure by not having sex before we get married, and making it happen in just one post.

Perhaps that’s why I’ve written* on it before, and will undoubtedly write on it again.

The subject is also important enough for leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed the Mormon Church, to write to youth specifically about it in the booklet For the Strength of Youth. This booklet briefly touches on various subjects of vital importance to teens living in today’s world. It acts as a guide, as well as a warning, in a world that strives to twist the good things into evil, and evil into good.

One of the most well known accounts of the importance of remaining pure is found in Genesis 39:1-12, when Potipher’s wife attempts to seduce Joseph. He couldn’t imagine doing that to his boss, nor could he sin against God in that way. He even went to prison for it, yet he ever remained pure.

For the Strength of Youth gives several different warnings against particular things we should guard against. They are not comfortable for me to write. Odds are they won’t be comfortable for you to read. I would ask that you do read them, and do so with a prayer in your heart that you might know if what is being warned against is truly God’s will.

“Before marriage, do not do anything to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do that with you. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body” (For the Strength of Youth, p.27).

If we try to keep ourselves out of danger, keeping ourselves pure is so much easier. I can’t express that enough. When we skirt the edge, when we walk the line, we knowingly place ourselves in a position where Satan can influence us. If we keep far away from the danger line, the line between God and Satan, we keep ourselves protected.

How do we remain on God's side of the line? Always treat your date with respect. Stay in places you know are safe, where you can control your physical desires. Keep your language and conversations clean and uplifting. Remember that each young man or young woman is a child of God and deserves to be treated as such. When you do little things like this you protect yourself from the emotional, physical, and spiritual damage that can come from sharing physical intimacy outside the bonds of marriage.

For the Strength of Youth also touches briefly on homosexuality. It is a serious sin. Serious. It is not to be treated lightly, or to be rationalized into something that is good. It is true God loves every sinner, but He does not condone this sin.

“If you find yourself struggling with same-gender attraction, seek counsel from your parents and [church leader]. They will help you.”

Marriage, and all that comes with it, is for a man and a woman. The prophets have told us this time and again.

“The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between a man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”).

Unfortunately there are those whose virtue is brutally taken from them, without their permission, without their choice. It is vitally important for anyone out there who has been the victim of rape, incest, or other sexual abuse to know that in the eyes of God you are considered innocent. He still loves you, and is so mindful of everything you have been made to endure because of the agency of another.

“Seek your [church leader’s] counsel immediately so he can help guide you through the process of emotional healing.”

If any of you have been tempted to commit a sexual transgression, stop for a moment and think about what the consequences will be. Think about what you will be giving up. Think about how you will have to explain to your future spouse, to your future children, the choice you are about to make. If you are seriously tempted, go to your parents, or another trusted adult. Talk to the Lord, and to church leaders. Let them help you resist. Allow them the chance to help you overcome these thoughts and feelings. Pray that you will choose a better way, a happier way.

If you have committed this sin, it’s time to repent. It is only through the repentance process that you will begin to find peace once again. It is only through this process that the Spirit of the Lord will again be able to reside with you. You can’t take back what has been freely given away, but you can once again feel clean and worthy. Heavenly Father only wants what’s best for you, and repentance is truly a gift to help us be happy.

This doesn’t really begin to cover the importance of being sexually pure. I can only hope that it at least makes you think about why it is so important. Both my husband and I kept our virtue in tact when we got married, and I have never regretted it. I can promise if you choose to keep yourselves pure, you will count it as one of the greatest choices of your life.

If you'd like to read more please visit:

Chastity at the Latter-day Saint home site.

An Eternal Perspective of Chastity

Don't Cross the Morality Line

Teens: The Importance of Staying Chaste

I didn’t have my first date until I was sixteen. This may sound unusual to the rest of the world, but it’s standard for teens in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church). Not dating until age sixteen may sound more like a prison sentence, yet many of us who choose to wait feel as though we are free to explore other interests. We’re not tied down to relationships or the pressures and consequences involved with serious dating.

I’ve noticed an unsettling trend in the area of dating that has occurred in the last fifteen years or so since I was a teen. This is especially portrayed as ‘normal’ in television and movies geared towards teenagers. They would have us believe, and sadly many do, that once you go on a date with someone it means you’re exclusive. Not only that but those who try dating several different people are labeled flirts...or worse. Yet this is not how God intended the dating process to be.

“In cultures where dating or courtship is acceptable, dating can help you develop lasting friendships” (For the Strength of Youth, p.24).

Did you ever think of dating as a way to make good friends? A date doesn’t have to mean a lasting commitment. It’s not a contract signed between a girl and a guy, requiring them to spend at least three or four months dating just each other. One date does not have to lead to another, and another, and even another. It can, however, help you to get to know someone better and perhaps find someone who can be a great friend.

As a teenager the dating process was painful for me. I was always so afraid of saying something dumb that I barely spoke at all (I know, sounds like a good time, right?). In fact, most of my dates in high school were a result of others asking me, as I wasn’t really interested in dating. This attitude is more common than you might think.

“Not all teenagers need to date or even want to. Many young people do not date during their teen years because they are not yet interested, do not have opportunities, or simply want to delay forming serious relationships” (For the Strength of Youth, p.24).

If you’re one of these people, don’t freak out. It doesn’t mean you’re not normal. If the desire to date isn’t big at this time you’re probably just too interested in other things. School activities can take up so much of your time it doesn’t leave much time for dating. Or perhaps you’ve seen what can happen with friends who’ve chosen to be too serious too soon. Never let anyone pressure you into dating if you’re not ready for it.

One of the biggest reasons Mormon teens don’t date until they’re 16 is because of the threat it creates when it comes to immorality. It also limits the number of people you can get to know, both guys and girls. When you’re seriously involved with someone you tend to give this person all of your attention. Others around you can be ignored. Serious dating can also keep you from having experiences and discovering traits you might like in someone you would eventually marry.

Mormon teens are encouraged to date others from the same religion. This is actually typical of many churches. Have you ever wondered why?

“A young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to help each other maintain their standards and to protect each other’s honor and virtue” (For the Strength of Youth, p.24).

For the most part when you date someone in your same religion you share the same value system. Your expectations as far as morality goes are known and will hopefully be respected. This is a standard set up even back in biblical times when Abraham sent out a servant to find his son, Isaac, a wife. The women they knew were a different religion, and they knew God wanted Isaac to marry someone who belonged to His church.

Be cautious when it comes to dating. Don’t believe everything you see on television. Don’t even believe everything your friends try to tell you. As in all things in your life, take the matter to the Lord in prayer. Encourage yourself, your date, and your friends to go in groups or double dates. If dating interests you at this time, try dating lots of different people. Avoid tying yourself down to one person.

“Do things that will help you and your [date] maintain your self-respect and remain close to the Spirit of the Lord” (For the Strength of Youth, p.25).

I hope you don’t come out of this feeling like I’m down on dating, because I promise you I’m not. I’ve just seen too many friends and loved ones hurt themselves by dating too soon, or becoming too serious. It’s natural for us to be attracted to others, and to want to act upon it. But the “natural man is an enemy to God” (Mosiah 3:19) and must be mastered. The teenager who can master the natural impulses and maintain a high standard for his or herself will truly be a happier person.

For more thoughts on datings and morality you can read:

Teens: It All Starts With a Kiss

Teens: The Importance of Staying Chaste

Don't Cross the Morality Line

and

An Eternal Perspective of Chastity

There is something remarkably powerful about the spoken word. For generations those who did not have the opportunity to learn to read and write would instead impart their histories through spoken word. Children delight in a parent’s voice repeating the words of their favorite books. Put to music, words can create something magical.

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth, put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed the Mormon Church), we are taught about the power spoken words hold.

“Clean and intelligent language is evidence of a bright and wholesome mind…. When you use good language, you invite the Spirit to be with you” (For the Strength of Youth, p.22).

Have you ever thought about that, how using good, clean language can actually invite the Holy Ghost, or Holy Spirit, to be with you? The opposite is also true. Have you ever been around someone who swears, or uses crass language? Have you found yourself using these words yourself? Think for a moment about how you feel after hearing or using these words.

I recall hearing some pretty awful language waiting for my daughter to come out of school one day. My baby was sitting in her stroller, and I wanted to cover her ears it was so bad. I distinctly recall how it took me several days, as well as numerous prayers, to make the dark feeling go away after simply hearing the foul words. I could not imagine what it would do to my spirit to utter the words myself.

One of the most extraordinary statements I’ve ever read on the use of profanity came from a man who lived hundreds of years ago.

“The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it.”
--George Washington

That made me stop and think for a moment. There was a time when swearing actually characterized a person as ‘low.’ In fact, a man who chose to swear in front of a woman would be quickly reprimanded. Is it really something to be commended that we’ve come so far in the opposite direction since the time of President Washington?

Being able to control the words that come out of our mouths speaks volumes about the strength of our minds. I invite you to read James 3:2-13. Study these verses. Ponder what they mean. Think about the power you hold over your own thoughts and words.

The use of good language goes beyond swearing or vulgarity.

“Use language that uplifts, encourages, and compliments others. Do not insult others or put them down, even in joking. Speak kindly and positively about others so you can fulfill the Lord’s commandment to love one another” (For the Strength of Youth, p.22).

Could you imagine, even for an instant, the Lord putting someone down? Even in a joking manner? In recent years I’ve watched what the power of affirming words can do for a person, especially my own children. I’ve also seen what giving out a few uplifting words can do for those in my Young Women classes (girls 12-17 in the Latter-day Saints Church). Faces light up with the thoughts that someone considers them to be just that special. Have you ever had someone make you feel that way? What do you think it would be like to make others feel the same way? The great thing is, as we give the gift of positive words, it can only bless us as well.

If you don’t swear or use foul language, don’t let others influence you to do it. In fact, go a step further and help others to realize the blessings that come from being free from vulgarity.

“Choose friends who use good language. Help others around you use clean language by your example and by good-naturedly encouraging them to choose other words. Politely walk away or change the subject when others around you use bad language” (For the Strength of Youth, p.23)”

Youth in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are encouraged to ‘Choose the Right’ from the time they are quite young. You too can become a leader and a great influence for good among your friends.

If you are one of those who swear, make the choice today to change. It can be as easy as replacing the bad habit with a good one. Every time you find yourself slipping, say a silent prayer that God will take the bad words from your mouth. Come up with other words to say instead. Before you know it, your language will become cleaner, and your spirit will feel lighter as well.

It’s never easy to change, but I can testify it is so worth it. Others around you may not understand your reasons and that’s okay. It’s not necessary for them to understand. Don’t let them sway you from doing something that can only make you happier. Odds are your friends might want to make the same change.

“For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads” (D&C 25:12).

Music has always been one of my greatest passions. Whether it was playing in the school Orchestra or singing in school and church choirs, I have always tried to keep music a significant part of my life. This is true of so many teens.

Sadly, dancing was never my forte, though it never stopped me from trying my best. If I wasn’t the best dancer ever seen on the face of this earth it didn’t matter to me. I just enjoyed trying.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed the Mormon Church, put out a booklet called For the Strength of Youth. One of the topics discussed in this booklet are the standards we need to set for ourselves when it comes to music and dancing. It may sound strange, setting standards for the type of music we listen to or the moves we make while dancing, but you never know what tiny thing might influence us to make one wrong choice.

“Music is an important and powerful part of life. It can be an influence for good…. Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening. Don’t listen to music that drives away the Spirit, encourages immorality, glorifies violence, uses foul or offensive language, or promotes Satanism or other evil practices” (For the Strength of Youth, p.20).

Have you ever really thought about just how much the music you listen to truly influences you? Leaders of the young women (girls 12-17) in our stake (group of several congregations) decided to try listening to nothing but good, uplifting music for one whole week. One particular woman came back and told us she was amazed at the difference that one change made in her attitude about everything in her life. She found herself happier, more confident, and able to deal with the stresses of life far easier than she had before. It was remarkable.

I’d challenge you to give it a try for yourself. See what happens when you turn off what is considered the most popular music of today and listen to more sacred, more uplifting music. Test the theory and see if it doesn’t truly bless your lives for the better.

The next thing we are cautioned against is our actions while dancing. Dancing is fun. It’s a great way to express ourselves, get a bit of exercise, and meet with friends. Like most everything that can be used as a blessing in our lives, it can also be misused.

“When dancing, avoid full body contact with your partner. Do not use positions or moves that are suggestive of sexual behavior. Plan and attend dances where dress, grooming, lighting, lyrics, and music contribute to a wholesome atmosphere where the Spirit of the Lord may be present” (For the Strength of Youth, p.21).

Have you ever thought about the Spirit of God being with you even when dancing? If dances are put together with the right atmosphere, music, and dress standard the entire experience can be fun without needing to drive away the Holy Spirit.

Once every few months the Latter-day Saint Church puts together a multi-stake dance. That means several congregations, even up to 20 or 30, are brought together for a dance. Good music is selected, a standard of dress and grooming is encouraged, and the dance is held within a church-owned building. Various youth leaders are encouraged to attend in an extra effort to make sure no one crosses a line that might hurt someone else. It might to many of you like it should be pretty lame. I can tell you from experience, both as a former teen and as a leader, that these dances always leave those who attend with the best of feelings.

“Praise the Lord with singing, with music, with dancing” (D&C 136:28).

Singing, music, dancing. All these things can be misused if we allow it. We must daily make a conscious choice to keep the Spirit of the Lord with us through good music and, when the opportunity comes, dancing.

As teens you are constantly bombarded by the influences of the media. Whether it’s what’s seen in movies and television, in magazines and books, or what you listen to on the radio there are constant chirping voices encouraging you to step away from the values and morals you’ve been taught.

I’ve noticed a trend in recent years when it comes to television shows that gear their messages towards teens. Whenever these shows are advertised we hear words like, “The newest craze in America,” or “The hottest new show.” We are made to think these shows are what all teens must be watching. These shows must be the ones that represent what the youth of today are really all about, right? How sad it is that most of these shows glorify teenage sex without the consequences, drinking under the legal age limit and making it look fun, peddling the idea that smoking a little pot isn’t going to hurt you. And after a while, you begin to believe it.

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth put out by the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (nicknamed Mormon Church), teens are strongly advised to be careful about the entertainment they choose.

“Whatever you read, listen to, or look at has an effect on you. Therefore, choose only entertainment and media that uplift you. Good entertainment will help you to have good thoughts and make righteous choices. It will allow you to enjoy yourself without losing the Spirit of the Lord” (For the Strength of Youth, p.17).

Unfortunately finding good things to watch on television or in movies isn’t too easy. Still, we have a choice with everything we are confronted with. Especially you who are teenagers must be vigilant in keeping yourself away from evil influences.

“Satan uses such entertainment to deceive you by making what is wrong and evil look normal and exciting. It can mislead you into thinking that everyone is doing things that are wrong” (For the Strength of Youth, p.17).

Doesn’t that sound familiar? A friend of mine who has a teenage son was watching a movie with him one night. She was disturbed by the way girls in the movie dressed, and braved a question to her son.

“Do the girls at your school ever dress like that?”

He immediately shook his head. “No, Mom, they don’t. In fact they’d be sent home if they tried going to school dressed like that.”

Due to his openness she tried one more question.

“Would you date someone who dressed like that?”

Again he immediately shook his head. “No way. It’d make me way too uncomfortable.”

This mother realized precisely what leaders of the Latter-day Saint Church have been trying to impart for years: just because you see it in the media doesn’t make it fact.

Pornography is another tool of Satan’s to influence you to make wrong choices. It is especially addictive.

“What may begin as a curious indulgence can become a destructive habit that takes control of your life. It can lead you to sexual transgression and even criminal behavior. Pornography is a poison that weakens your self-control, changes the way you see others, causes you to lose the guidance of the Spirit, and can even affect your ability to have a normal relationship with your future spouse” (For the Strength of Youth, p.19).

I have seen the effects of pornography in the life of a very good friend. Her husband was first introduced to it by his father at the age of eleven. It took hold of him quickly, skewing his perception of women and relationships, and almost destroyed their marriage. It took a few years but he has since gone through the repentance process and is now free of the addiction. That’s not to say it may not happen again, but my friend is now attentive to anything that may come into their home. If you find yourself confronted with even the slightest temptation to expose yourself to pornography, run away as fast as you can.

Another glamorized behavior is that of violence. I can remember when all it took was one or two hits and a guy was knocked out cold. Now you watch a fight scene and hit, after hit, after hit, after vicious hit is inflicted. We have become too desensitized when it comes to violence, and the more we savor it the less we will find ourselves in the company of the Spirit. Violence contradicts every message the Savior has given about love for one another.

Joseph Smith, a latter-day prophet who lived several years ago, once put together a set of articles regarding the faith of our Church. In the last one, number 13, we are given wonderfully simple counsel as to what we should look for in our entertainment:

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things” (Articles of Faith 1:13).

I can testify that the things we watch, see, and hear will have a strong influence over us. We must be so careful in the things we choose to expose ourselves to. Look for movies, shows, concerts, music, internet sites, magazines and books that are virtuous, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy. It is in these uplifting areas we will find ourselves the happiest and most at peace.

Perhaps it seems old fashioned, the idea of being modest in our dress. I’m not talking about being covered up from neck to wrist to toes, but about being careful in how we adorn our bodies.

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth, put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as the Mormon Church), teens are encouraged to ask themselves, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?” Even beyond this we are all reminded of what our bodies are: temples for our spirits.

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? … The temple of God is holy, which temple ye are” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).

Have you ever thought of your body in that respect, as a temple? Prophets throughout all time have counseled the children of God to maintain modest standards in dress. We are taught not to alter our clothes in any way for any occasion.

“Doing so sends the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval and that modesty is important only when it is convenient” (“For the Strength of Youth,” p. 15).

When our manner of dress becomes sloppy, we tend to act sloppy. When it’s too tight, too short, too low or too high our actions will follow suit. For the most part the way we dress reflects the person we are on the inside. Sometimes we want to be someone besides our self, to try being someone new. We might see the attention other guys and girls receive from those who dress immodestly, and desire to have that same attention. Beware of where this path will lead. Those who would be drawn to you for the look of your body have little respect for the beautiful person inside.

Modesty in dress goes beyond your clothes.

“All should avoid extremes in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle. Always be neat and clean and avoid being sloppy or inappropriately casual in dress, grooming, and manners… Do not disfigure yourself with tattoos or body piercings. If girls or women desire to have their ears pierced, they are encouraged to wear only one pair of modest earrings” (“For the Strength of Youth,” p. 16).

Though not mentioned men should refrain from piercings altogether.

When we place too much emphasis on how we look and dress, or are more concerned with keeping in the most current fashions, our spiritual side – that side that gives us the most happiness in this life – becomes smothered. When we care more about what’s going on our outside, the strength of our spirit begins to dull.

Your body is sacred. It was made by a loving Heavenly Father. It is a gift, and we need to treat it as such. Through a modest appearance we can show respect for the Lord and for ourselves. We can show our Lord that we truly do know just how precious our bodies are. Above all, we can show that we are disciples of Jesus Christ.

** For guidelines on modest dress please visit Staying Modest.

Friends are a precious commodity, especially when you, as teenagers, begin to pull away from your family. Finding friends who uplift, strengthen, fortify and encourage you is vital if you are to be truly happy.

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth, put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as the Mormon Church), teens are cautioned to pick good friends.

“Choose your friends carefully. They will greatly influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become. Choose friends who share your values so you can strengthen and encourage each other in living high standards. A true friend will encourage you to be your best self” (“For the Strength of Youth,” p. 12).

I had a remarkable group of friends during my junior high and high school years. Several of them stayed with me through those six years while others came and went. The one thing I looked for in my friends was a common value system. None of us were tempted to use drugs, drink alcohol, or try smoking. We all firmly believed in keeping ourselves pure by not having sex before marriage. All of us felt it important to attend our weekly Sunday meetings as well as attending Seminary Monday through Friday along with our regular school studies. Our group of young women and men helped one another to stay on the path of righteousness, and we’ve come out better for it.

I have had other friends who chose a different way. I won’t go into details, but I will say the repentance process was so incredibly difficult and every single one of them said if they could undo what had been done, they would go back in time and change things.

This brings me to the next focus of friendship: being a good friend.

“To have good friends, be a good friend yourself. Show interest in others and let them know you care about them. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. Go out of your way to be a friend to those who are shy or do not feel included” (“For the Strength of Youth,” p. 12).

For years after you have left your high school years behind, you will be remembered. Melissa Watkins was one of my favorite people in high school. She had curly, blonde hair and the most extraordinary smile. We didn’t run in the same social circles, but it didn’t matter to her. Every day as I would walk into our choir class she made me feel as though I was the most important person to her at that time. I can say the same of Emily Cowley. She had the most willing heart when it came to serving others. She was dedicated to her church and her beliefs, and had an exceptional testimony.

These two young ladies and others besides will be remembered as good, kind, and inspirational. The impact they had on friends and acquaintances was truly profound.

There are, of course, others who will not be remembered so kindly due to choices they make that negatively impacted my life or the lives of my friends. I realize they may be wonderful members of their communities now. Unfortunately I cannot think of them in this way. The things we do in this life, no matter how seemingly insignificant, will make lasting impressions on those we meet in this life. Not only will our actions be remembered by those we come in contact with here on earth, they will also be recorded in heaven as well.

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40).

We need to make a special effort with our friends. We need to make a special effort with those who may not be our friends…yet. You never know when even a little kindness from you may be the only kindness someone receives.

Every family is different. Some families have no children, some have only one, and others may be blessed with numerous children. Some families may only have one parent. Children could be raised by an aunt and uncle or by grandparents. Perhaps everyone gets along fairly well, or maybe there is someone in your family who you don’t really get along with.

Teens are encouraged to be a loving, productive member of their families in the booklet For the Strength of Youth, put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly referred to as the Mormon Church).

“Do your part to build a happy home. Be cheerful, helpful, and considerate of others. Many problems in the home are created because family members speak and act selfishly or unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of other family members. Seek to be a peacemaker rather than to tease, fight, and quarrel.”

Your attitude toward family members greatly influences the spirit within the home. A small, silly saying posted in the kitchen of our house growing up read: when Mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. As much as this would make us chuckle, there was a definite ring of truth to it. I began to notice the saying was quite true of every member of the family. If Dad wasn’t happy, it was felt within our home. If my brothers or I weren’t happy that influence could be felt by the other members of our family.

The spirit in your home goes beyond the idea of being happy. As the quote above suggests, we should strive to become unselfish when it comes to how we deal with our family. Show concern. Be interested in what’s going on in their lives. Don’t tease or fight as that sends the Holy Spirit right out the door. Seek to be a peacemaker.

“CHILDREN, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Honor your parents. It is a commandment. Show them the love and respect they should deserve, even if in reality it seems they don’t deserve it. Be obedient in the righteous requests made of you.

If you really want to see your family come together participate in family activities. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a specific night, Monday night, has been set aside for families to have a weekly lesson and/or activity together. If the family can’t do something on Monday (say Mom or Dad work, or family members have other duties), try for another night that works for you. Encourage your family to hold prayer together. Read the scriptures together. Find wholesome and uplifting things that will invite the Lord’s Spirit and strengthen your family relationships.

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”).

Think about those words for a moment, especially those of you who have never known a happy home. How do you want to be treated in your family? Do you wish to be forgiven, respected, loved, and given compassion? I would urge you to try treating others in your family that way first. Even when times and feelings don’t encourage these peace-giving actions, do it. Change takes time. Important changes like these will bring out opportunities to give up at unbelievable rates. Stay strong. This sort of change is not impossible. It is realistic to think that one day your brother or your sister may become your best friend. You could even be the difference between keeping a family member on the right track, and watching them lose their way.

Friends come and go. I tell my Young Women (program for girls 12-17 in the Latter-day Saint Church) this often. It is very rare that you find someone you met in grade school still around when you turn 60. Your family, however, will be a constant in your life. They have a choice as to how they will treat you. You also always have a choice. Choose to love your family the best way you can.

Why is it important to obtain a good education in this life? Do you think the Lord cares whether or not you graduate from high school, college, or even graduate school for the highly ambitious? Can’t all this learning be put off until after you’ve had a bit of fun?

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known by the nickname Mormon Church), teens are encouraged to work hard for their education and to find joy in learning. We are taught that the Lord truly does desire for us to learn all we can in this life.

“The Lord wants you to educate your mind and improve your skills and abilities. Education will help you to be an influence for good in the world. It will help you better provide for yourself, your loved ones, and those in need” (For the Strength of Youth, p. 9).

In our world today good jobs really don’t come without having first received a good education. Even if the job you’re looking at wasn’t the area you studied in college, many companies are more concerned that you have a degree. Receiving a good education should not be taken lightly.

An education does require sacrifice on our part. It demands a lot of time, brainpower, effort, and at times money. These sacrifices will only add to our character, not to mention the blessings we will be given. Those things that are truly worth having do not come easily. Think to yourself what means more: the shirt you really wanted and were given just because, or the shirt you really wanted and you worked hard to earn the money to buy it yourself. We need to think of our education much the same way.

“Be willing to work diligently and make sacrifices to obtain learning. Education is an investment that brings great rewards. You live in a competitive world where a good education opens the doors of opportunity that may otherwise be closed to you” (For the Strength of Youth, p.9).

In 1991 Gordon B. Hinckley, then president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, announced a new program centered entirely around helping those members of the Church who cannot afford to go to school the opportunity.

“Where there is widespread poverty among our people, we must do all we can to help them to lift themselves, to establish their lives upon a foundation of self-reliance that can come of training. Education is the key to opportunity” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Perpetual Education Fund,” Ensign, May 2001).

This program is called the Perpetual Education Fund. For many the education this program provides is the difference between utter poverty and being able to take care of a family. Have you ever thought about how many people out there would love to trade places with an individual who doesn’t really care about school? If only we could all have that intense desire to better ourselves, to do all we can do in order to provide a better life for our families as well as for ourselves.

As youth, as teens, your education may not seem all that important. If that is the case please begin to pray for a change in attitude. Now is the time to learn. In the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, we are taught to “learn wisdom in thy youth” (Alma 37:35).

Again in the Doctrine and Covenants, a series of revelations given to the modern-day prophet Joseph Smith, we are taught about why it is so important to keep learning.

“And I give unto you a commandment that you shall teach one another…of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms— That ye may be prepared in all things when I shall send you again to magnify the calling whereunto I have called you, and the mission with which I have commissioned you” D&C 88:77-80, italics added).

We all have a purpose in this life, a plan our Heavenly Father would ask of us, to help bring His work to pass. We must do all we can to help make ourselves into the person He knows we can be. Many would rather live in a state of ignorance, but ignorance is not bliss. It does not make a happy person. Finding joy in learning will take you much further in becoming a happy, whole individual.

“He who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious” (D&C 78:19).

For those of us in America, when we think of being thankful it’s typically November and we’re celebrating Thanksgiving (a holiday centered around giving thanks). Yet gratitude is a trait we need to work on every single day of our lives.

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth, put out by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon Church), the youth (12-17 years old) are encouraged to take on a constant attitude of gratitude.

“The Lord wants you to have a spirit of gratitude in all you do and say. Live with a spirit of thanksgiving and you will have greater happiness and satisfaction in life. Even in your most difficult times, you can find much to be grateful for. Doing so will strengthen and bless you” (For the Strength of Youth, p.6).

For those who live their lives looking at the glass as half empty, finding things to be grateful for can seem like more of a burden than a way to happiness. This is no reason to not at least try. One of my favorite hymns encourages us to count our blessings, just one at a time.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done…

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

(Johnson Oatman, Jr., Hymnbook, p.241)

Start with one blessing. Just one. Then when you have that blessing held firmly in your mind, think of another. Write them down, so you’ll always have them as a reminder. When you find yourself struggling to come up with any blessings during a particularly trying time, go back to the ones you’ve recorded. I promise your heart will be lightened.

The particular scripture story to illustrate the importance of having a grateful heart can be found in Luke 17:12-19.

Ten lepers came to see the Lord, all of them wishing to be healed. He encouraged them to visit their priest. As they traveled along, the disease that had so cruelly corrupted their bodies was lifted, and they were cleansed.

Can you imagine what they must have been feeling at this time? I can imagine most of them went off in search of loved ones they’d been separated from for who knows how long. Wives, mothers, fathers and children must have rejoiced in the miraculous healing of these men.

Yet only one thought to return to the man that had made this possible. Christ questioned the one, wondering what had happened to the other nine. Was Christ looking for thanks, for the recognition that came from performing this miracle? Of course not. He was trying to impart just how important it is for us to give thanks. To show our Heavenly Father that we do indeed recognize His hand in all things. Isn’t this exactly what Jesus did? Was He not always giving credit, thanks, and glory to His Father?

Everything we have comes from our Heavenly Father. The food we eat, the water we drink, the homes we live in, our jobs, our talents, our strengths, and our welfare. All of these things and more are given to us, because He loves us so much. And for that, I am so incredibly grateful.

We always have a choice. My Young Women, the girls 12-17 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon Church), hear this often from me. I don’t believe this was something I knew as a teen myself, but rather have grown to the realization over the last several years. We always have a choice.

One of the first big choices we made was in our pre-earth life where we resided with our Heavenly Father. He presented us with a plan: to have the chance to come to earth; to make choices as to how we would live our lives; to be tried and tested; and to hopefully prove ourselves worthy to live with Him again. In order for this to happen we needed a Savior, someone to act as a mediator so that if we were to make wrong choices there would be a chance for us to repent and become clean again.

Two men stepped forward at this time. One, Lucifer, came forward and presented an alternate plan. He would guarantee that every single one of us would return to live with the Father again by forcing us to obey. Mistakes would not be allowed. There would be no choice, no agency. In order for him to agree to do this, however, he wanted all of the glory, all of the credit.

Fortunately our brother, Jesus Christ, was willing to be our Savior. In Him we would find our salvation. With Him, Heavenly Father’s plan could come to pass.

And so a choice was placed before us. Would we follow Lucifer? Or would we follow Jesus Christ and, in turn, our Heavenly Father? Our choice was made. How do we know we chose to follow Christ? We are here, now, on this earth, still making choices.

In the booklet For the Strength of Youth put out by the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are briefly taught about what it means to have agency and, what always accompanies it, accountability.

“Your Heavenly Father has given you agency, the ability to choose right from wrong and to act for yourself. . . . While you are here on earth, you are being proven to see if you will use your agency to show your love for God by keeping His commandments.

“While you are free to choose for yourself, you are not free to choose the consequences of your actions. When you make a choice, you will receive the consequences of that choice” (For the Strength of Youth, p.4).

The tricky thing about consequences is they may not be noticeable right away. If we choose to smoke, we may not see the damage to our health and the health of those we smoke around until too late. If we choose not to smoke, we may not ever realize how we’ll travel a healthier road, and that we’ve not risked hurting the health of those around us.

Other consequences happen quickly. For those who choose to enter into sexual relations before they are married they risk unhealthy diseases, pregnancy, not to mention the damage it can to do one’s self-image and spirituality. For those who practice abstinence until they are married there are the blessings of being pure, of bringing children into a safe and loving home, and of knowing that you can stand clean before the Lord.

“Wrong choices delay your progression and lead to heartache and misery. Right choices lead to happiness and eternal life. That is why it is so important for you to choose what is right throughout your life” (For the Strength of Youth, p.4).

With these choices we must come to realize our own responsibility in making them. We must not blame others for the times we choose to disobey God’s commandments. Of course I realize there are times when people have no choice in what happens to their physical self. Someone who is infringed upon by the wrong choices of others has no choice in how they are being treated. They do, however difficult it may be, have a choice in how they will respond to the situation. We do have the power to make the right choices. Can you imagine our loving Heavenly Father would give us agency without the power within ourselves to choose and live righteously?

“You are a child of God with great strength. You have the ability to choose righteousness and happiness, no matter what your circumstances” (For the Strength of Youth, p.5).

The last thing we are asked to consider with agency and accountability is the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-29). A master gives three of his servants talents, or money. To the first he gives five talents, to the second two, and to the last servant he gives only one. The first servant goes out and through industry and hard work earns five more talents. The second servant doubles his money as well. The third servant only hides away his one talent and has nothing to show for the gift his lord gave him. Because he hid this talent away it is taken from him and given to the first servant.

We have been blessed with many gifts, with various opportunities to grow, and with several tests and trials to overcome. If we allow the bad times to overtake us or merely hide our heads, our gifts, and our time away all that we have been blessed with will be taken from us and given to others. Fantastic opportunities that could have enriched our lives will be gone, and we will have no one to blame but ourselves.

“You are also responsible for developing the abilities and talents Heavenly Father has given you. You are accountable to Him for what you do with your abilities and how you spend your time. Do not idle away your time. Be willing to work hard. Choose to do many good things of your own free will” (For the Strength of Youth, p.5).